


Our Shattered Youth

by Little_Details_That_Count



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 04:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1968648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Details_That_Count/pseuds/Little_Details_That_Count
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snapshots of Marco and Mina's relationship, growing up together in their innocence and falling apart with the unsteady hand of death.  Written for Day 1 prompt of MarcoMina Week: Innocence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Shattered Youth

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This isn't my best work, and it's kind of rushed, but oh well.

_Year 841_

They were six when they first met. One of his friends had kicked a ball over the hill where Mina laid in a bed of flowers, rolling to a stop by her head.

"I'm sorry!" he said to her, running up to retrieve the ball. Glancing up at him, her mouth curved up in a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes.

"It's o-okay," she replied quietly as she passed the ball back to him. She blinked at him, waiting for him to leave, but he didn't. He stood there and cocked his head, a crease forming between his brows.

"How come you're here by yourself?" he asked. She sat up at this and shrugged.

"I-I don't really...h-have any friends." It was the truth. She wasn't as outgoing as she would be in several years; she was a quiet girl that kept to herself and hid behind her mother whenever strangers were around. It didn't help that said mother's funeral had just occurred the week before.

"Well, you wanna come play ball with me and my friends?" he suggested. She blinked up at him with wide eyes.

"U-um...I don't know..." she mumbled, slowly and quietly. She refused to look him in the eyes.

"I promise we won't bite," he assured her. Then he scratched his head. "Well, uhh, Renate might, but it's nothing personal, she's just kinda rough." Mina stared at the ground, pursing her lips in thought.

"Well...okay." He offered her his hand, and she took it with the utmost of hesitancy. He pulled her up to her feet then led her in a run to the other side of the small hill, where she met two other boys and a girl waiting for him expectantly.

"Hey guys, this is..." he trailed off, waiting for her to fill in the blank. She ducked her head.

"Mina," she mumbled.

"Mina," he repeated. "Mina, this is Wilhelm - but he likes to be called Wil - , Fritz, and Renate." The three children waved at Mina. "And my name is Marco."

 _Marco..._  Mina thought.

"Guys, is it okay if Mina plays with us?" Marco asked. Renate, a girl with blonde hair in two five-stranded braids and small round eyes jumped at the suggestion.

"Yeah! I hate bein' the only girl here. Mina, come near me!" The brown-eyed girl grabbed Mina's arm and tugged her along to her side of the field. Mina squeaked at the rough gesture.

It was a rushed meeting, but the other kids were lively and optimistic, quick to ensure that Mina did not feel excluded. Renate drop-kicked the ball in Mina's direction to change things up a bit, which Mina dodged with a shriek. Rather than apologizing, however, Renate shouted:

"Come on, Mina! Don't be a baby! Have some fun - kick it at Marco as hard as ya can! The game's too borin' now." This was the moment in which Mina discovered the aggressive nature of her first female friend. The pigtail-haired girl, suddenly curious, blinked at the ball. She glanced at it, then at Marco, and back again.

"Mina, you don't have to listen to Renate," Wil started. "You can just-"

But Mina ran up to the ball and booted it hard, aiming at Marco's location. Unfortunately, she hit it at an improper angle, and its trajectory instead curved towards an unsuspecting window.

A yell rang out as the window cracked. The four children with Mina stared at her in shock.

"How are you that strong?" Marco asked. Mina's eyes widened, darting around wildly as sweat dripped from her temple.

"I-I don't know!" she stammered.

"Forget about that, now!  _Scatter_!" Renate screeched. Everyone dashed off from the scene immediately.

When they finally threw themselves into the tall grass, they burst into laughter. Mina herself giggled a little next to Marco, and Renate sat up with a grin.

"That was wild, Mina. Yer not so bad, huh? Just gotta bring ya outta yer shell, like my Mama says." Mina smiled with closed eyes, displaying her two missing front teeth.

"Thanks f-for asking me to play with you," she said softly. Marco turned his head on the earth to face her, mirroring her smile.

"You can play with us whenever you want to, Mina," he stated.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He was part of the group that helped her cope with her introverted nature and the death of her mother. They helped without ever having to ask why she would sometimes draw into herself, shutting them out, or why every now and then they would find her with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks when they went to ask her to play.

Marco and the others, over the years, aided in her blooming into the rigid confidence and self-respect which eventually became her strongest traits.

* * *

_Year 843_

"Oh, hello, Marco. I'm guessing you've come for Mina, but where are the others?"

"Uhh, they're-"

Upon hearing her grandfather greet the freckled boy at the door, Mina leaped up from her bed, dashing towards them to stand in front of the old man.

"Hiya, Marco!" she exclaimed. Her grandfather gasped mockingly.

"Mina! You and your boundless energy nearly gave me a heart attack," he chuckled. Mina whirled around to face him, her eyes round and apologetic.

"N-no! I'm so sorry, Grandpa," she said. Despite her elevated spirits since Marco and his friends brought her into their group, she still hadn't quite rid herself of her stutter. Her grandfather laughed heartily at her naivety.

"It's alright, child."

"The others are out waiting for us in the field," Marco piped up. "But they wanted me to get you."

"Can I go, Grandpa?" Mina asked.

"Well, you've been friends with them for two years, now, so I trust them to take good care of you. Go have fun, Mina."

"Yay! Okay, let's go, Marco!" Mina grabbed the boy's hand, half-leading, half-dragging him down the path to the field.

"Mina has certainly gotten bolder since those four took her in," remarked Mina's father, approaching the doorstep with a mug of coffee in hand. His own elderly father nodded.

"She certainly has."

It was a routine day for Mina and company. They always got up relatively early to just roll around in the grass' morning dew, ripping it up to toss it at each other. Then they would play soccer, with the combative Renate as the goalkeeper. Mina would be the most forceful in her shots at the net, as her and Renate were often playfully vicious with each other. Finally, they would rest in the grass and talk about silly things.

For each of these days, Marco and Mina would walk from and to their houses together, as they lived fairly close. Conversation would be quite easy for them, but compared to their more boisterous friends, they did enjoy comfortable silences. And they always held hands while walking, never thinking much of it; it came with the innocence of their youth.

* * *

_Year 844_

"You know what I wanna do when I'm older?"

Mina kicked a pebble out of her way as she strolled along next to Marco, headed to the town centre to buy some vegetables, holding hands as they usually did. They spent a lot more time alone together since Fritz and his family left for Wall Maria and Marco and Mina's fathers became friends. Running errands for their parents together was a typical activity that they would do together.

"What?" Mina queried, tilting her head to the side. The sunlight glowed against Marco's face as he gave her a determined look.

"I wanna serve the King in Wall Sina by joining the honorable Military Police." Mina gaped at him.

"Like, go to the Trainee Corps and everything?" He nodded, and Mina threw a hand over her mouth. "It's so hard to get to the Military Police, though. And if you fail in the Trainee Corps, they'll wheel you off to work in the fields for the rest of your life!" Marco shook his head.

"I know I'll make it. I'll just have to work hard, and I catch on pretty quick already, so it shouldn't be that bad." Mina pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And you'll leave me with Renate?" she huffed. Instead of laughing, as Mina expected, Marco simply shrugged.

"It depends. What do you want to do in the future?" They both stopped in their tracks, Marco staring expectantly at Mina. She froze.

"Well?" he prodded, lightly pinching her sleeve. She bit her lip.

"Huh. I don't know," she admitted. Mina had always imagined herself working in her father's blacksmith shop, or somewhere around the Karanese district. She never gave her future much thought, since she'd expected to lead a boring life. But now that she considered it, she didn't quite fancy a job so dull.

"Well, maybe you could try for the military, too," Marco suggested. "I mean, it would be cool to have one of my best friends in the Trainee Corps."

"But I don't think I would be a good soldier. I mean, you have to handle that 3D maneuver gear pretty well." And Mina could be quite clumsy at times; it got her into trouble more times than she'd like to admit.

"That's true, but you don't have to try for the Military Police. You could go for the Garrison." Mina stuck her tongue out at him.

"The Garrison soldiers are a big joke. They just get drunk and stuff. Isn't there a third option?" Marco hesitated.

"Like...the Survey Corps?" Mina perked up at this.

"What's that one?" Marco frowned.

"They go outside the Walls and fight titans. My dad says a lot of them die pretty soon, though. I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go there, let alone you."

"Marco, you don't have any enemies!" Mina giggled. Then she tapped her chin with a forefinger. "But I see your point. I don't think I'd wanna die an early death." She turned her face up to the sky, closing her eyes as the wind dragged through her thick black hair. "Not like my mom, at least."

She'd brought up her late mother so casually that Marco had to marvel at her strength. It was only a few months after they first met when she even informed him and the others about her mother, and she had to choke it out through her tears. Not that there was anything wrong with her mourning, but after four years of knowing her, it was remarkable how much she'd grown from that shy, grieving girl. He suspected that it was in part thanks to Renate, for she was quite daring and would always push Mina to do wild things. Marco liked to think that the other part of Mina's confidence was due to his own deep conversations with her, encouraging her to express herself.

Marco started, suddenly realizing that Mina was giving him a confused expression.

"Wh-what is it?" he asked. She puffed out her cheeks.

"Why were you smiling at me all funny?" she demanded. Marco shook his head.

"It's nothing," he told her.

"You don't smile at nothing, silly!" The freckled boy shrugged, and soon they were walking again, in silence.

"Even if I don't decide to go into the military, though," Mina remarked, reigning the discussion back to its original subject. "I hope we'll still find a way to meet each other. I like hanging out with you, so you better visit, even when you're a big Military Police guy." Marco smiled.

"Of course," he vowed. "And maybe I can get you to see me in Wall Sina." Mina squeezed his hand.

"Then it's a deal!"

* * *

_Year 845_

It was several months after the events of That Day, when Wall Maria fell at the hands of the titans. Karanese district was under stress due to the fact that it was now in one of the outermost walls, and they also knew that it was not impossible for them to fall at any moment. The dark clouds in the sky reflected the grim mood of the district's citizens.

Ten-year-old Mina Carolina, however, was currently racing tirelessly through the streets in search for Marco. Panting, she whipped her head wildly around the centre of the town, soon discovering her best friend looking at a display table for fruits. He turned his head at the sound of her rushed approach.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned. But she was grinning at him from ear to ear.

"I'm going into the Trainee Corps with you," she proclaimed. "After the fall of Wall Maria, I now know that it's my duty to join the Stationary Guard. Even if it continues to be a little corrupt, I will help fix it, and protect the walls at all cost." Marco smiled. Her energy was inspiring, considering the circumstances, but then Mina almost always had that attitude towards adversity.

"Then we'll work hard together," he said, grabbing hold of her hands. "Together. Right?"

"Right!" Mina exclaimed.

* * *

_Year 847_

"I can't believe you guys are leaving me here with Wil!"

It was finally the day that 12-year-olds Marco and Mina were leaving on the wagon to the southern district trainee squad. Their two best friends, Renate and Wilhelm, were there to see them off (they'd already had their emotional goodbyes with their families in the morning). They were already dressed in their academy uniforms, Mina beaming because she felt special.

Marco smiled sheepishly at the blonde girl, while Mina hugged her sympathetically.

"I think it's really cool you guys are trying out for the military," Wil told them truthfully. "You'll be like – heroes, when you come back to visit." Renate cracked a sob, burying her face into Mina's shoulder.

"You better come back!" she cried. "I can and I will destroy you more traumatizing and severely than your instructor and you know it." The soon-to-be trainees cringed, because they were well aware of how much damage Renate could inflict. It was surprising how greatly Marco and Mina's leaving affected Renate, but then she was usually quite passionate about her friends, despite her aggressive personality.

"We'll come back, alright," Mina declared. "And we'll be wearing Garrison and Military Police uniforms when we do." Wilhelm raised an eyebrow at her.

"The Garrison? Didn't you guys say they were just a bunch of alcoholics?" he inquired. Mina shook her head, her pigtails flailing about, throwing her hands up enthusiastically.

"They've gotten a lot better in the past few years. I saw this one woman from the Garrison with glasses – she helped a lost little girl in a crowd by using her 3D gear to maneuver above the crowd and find her family. That's the type of Garrison soldier I want to be." Renate wailed louder.

"Mina, that's so like you! I'm going to miss you so much..." Mina patted the blonde's head, then turned at a soft touch on her shoulder. She glanced up at Marco; from the expression on his face, she realized they would have to wrap things up quickly.

"As soon as we graduate, we'll make a trip back and hang out like old times," Mina promised. "Marco and I have to go now, though. So, one last group hug?"

Renate immediately grabbed them all into a tight hug, and it took them a few seconds to react before reciprocating. They remained all huddled together like that for nearly a minute, until Marco reminded them that the wagon would soon be departing. Reluctantly, they pulled away.

"Goodbye," Renate sniffled. Wilhelm clucked his tongue.

"Good luck," he said.

"See you in three years!" Mina replied.

"Take care," Marco added. Then Mina took Marco's hand, as she usually did, and they turned to make their way to the wagon. Before they could, however, Renate called out to them.

"Guys!" They turned their heads back to glance at Renate. She fidgeted. "You might wanna ease up on the hand-holdin'. Me and Wilhelm know it's harmless, but other people will get the wrong idea, you know? Like yer a couple or somethin'. Take care, now!"

Mina released Marco's hand like it was scalding, her face flushed as she looked to Marco awkwardly. It was the first time anyone had ever mentioned the implications of them holding hands, and they'd gotten so used to it from their younger years, when the gesture was more innocent.

Marco appeared equally as disconcerted as Mina, and without further hesitation, they stumbled into the wagon, one after the other.

* * *

"Hey, who's - ?!"

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend, Marco."

"She's pretty cute; way to go."

Mina glared down at her childhood friend's companions from her perch atop his shoulders. She had just ran up from behind the freckled boy and leaped up onto his back. It was the end of their first day of settling into the trainee squad, and Mina hadn't been able to speak to Marco since they left the wagon.

"I'm not his girlfriend," she stated. "I do, however, know him better than any of you can hope to in the next three years."

"She's my friend from my hometown, Mi –" Mina lightly swatted Marco on the cheek, pouting down at him.

"Hey, what is this 'friend,' I thought we were best buddies?"

"Right, I mean, one of my best friends from our hometown." Mina clapped her hands, nodding in satisfaction.

"That's right." The two boys in front of them exchanged glances.

"Mina, these are Jean and Connie," Marco introduced, gesturing to the boy with two-toned hair in an undercut and the shorter boy with a fully-shaved head, respectively. Mina gave them a passionate soldier's salute, the one they all had learned earlier. Confused, Jean and Connie copied her.

The pigtailed girl finally hopped off of Marco with a gleeful yell.

"Well, I'll see you boys in training. I gotta go meet the girls in my barracks. Bye!" She waved at them with a wide arm and a grin. Connie shook his head as she disappeared behind a building.

"There's no way she isn't your girlfriend, man."

* * *

_Year 849_

Things changed over the next two years. Between Mina and Marco generally getting placed in different teams and partnerships, their new friends, and their shared focus on training, they rarely ever had time to connect as old pals. Sometimes, in a quiet moment of thinking, they would see each other somewhere in the crowd and briefly reminisce, barely having a moment to express a greeting. It was Mina, ever the lively one, that would attempt to initiate conversation, but they would normally get dragged away by other things.

One night, after finishing his dinner, Marco stepped outside to sit at the edge of the dining hall porch. He was exhausted, as training had become more rigorous in the past week, and he wasn't much in the mood for his friends' loudness. He was a patient boy, not easily agitated, but even he had his limits. So he decided to spend some time alone.

The rising moon's light made Marco's amber-brown eyes glow, the sweet breeze tickling his hair. This was the calmest night the fourteen-year-old boy had had the pleasure of enjoying during the past two years. He deeply breathed in the fresh night air, reveling in the complete silence.

"I thought I might find you here."

To Marco's surprise, the voice he recognized was Mina's. He could hear her light footsteps as she approached, then plopped down next to him. They stared at each other for a long moment; Marco racked his brain for something to say.

"It's awkward, right?" she asked, before he could utter a word. He had to smile at that. Mina was usually the first to get straight to the point. She raised her chin, gazing at the stars with a dazed expression. "We haven't really talked all that much in a while." Marco nodded.

"Well, it is kind of hard," he said, his cheeks warming for some inexplicable reason. "Because there's training pretty much ten hours a day. And it's hard to sit together at lunch, since-"

"All those jerks will start making jokes that we're a couple?" Marco was startled by her conclusion, although he was about to suggest more or less the same thing. She fixed him with a narrow-eyed expression and a pout.

"It's stupid. They never make fun of Connie and Sasha, or anyone else for that matter." Marco shrugged.

"Except for Jean's crush on Mikasa. I can't think of anyone that hasn't made fun of him for it." Mina raised her brows with hooded eyes, nodding. Then she turned herself to face Marco fully.

"Well, no one else is here now except for us. So let's catch up on things. I miss talking to you. I mean, no offense to Annie, but it's so hard to get anything out of that girl; sometimes it's like talking to a brick wall." Marco chuckled.

"Alright, well, what do you want to talk about?" Mina propped her elbow up on her knee, rubbing her chin with two fingers. It wasn't long before she launched into an arbitrary subject, such as was customary of Mina.

As she rambled on, Marco would offer his opinions at some points. Suddenly, though, he remembered how nice it was just to hear Mina speak. Not in the sense that he could simply tune out, but that he had always appreciated her insightful remarks, her humor, and her ability to chatter away about anything. She always managed to lift his spirits, even when he wasn't necessarily sad.

Then, she began to laugh at him. He stared at her in confusion.

"I don't mind if you're not really listening, but must you make that face?" she giggled.

"What face?" he asked. Mina made an exaggerated goofy grin, fluttering her eyelashes. Marco scratched his head. "Oh. Wait - no, I was listening! I just...I forgot how fun it was just to hear you talk like that." Colour flushed to Mina's cheeks.

"Oh...thanks." She smiled shyly at him, squeezing her pigtails as she often did when embarrassed. Marco ignored the tug on his heart. His friend turned her face up to the darkening sky again, the breeze pulling her pigtails along. A sigh escaped her lips and drifted into the air.

"That's my favourite star up there," she yawned, lazily pointing at one of the bright, twinkling lights. "It's the brightest one out there. I always notice it first." But Marco didn't follow her gaze.

He hadn't realized before how much she'd grown since he last saw her. Her hair was a little longer now, her cheeks grown out of their baby fat (not that it wasn't cute before), and -

Why had he never noticed how pretty she was before?

He had to avert his eyes, his face, neck and ears becoming as red as the apples from their hometown.  _What's going on...?_

He jumped at the feeling of a hand touching his arm.

"Hey, Marco? Are you okay?" he heard Mina ask. He quickly got to his feet, scratching the back of his neck.

"Haha, no – I'm fine. I just...I have to go to the bathroom." Marco began to swiftly walk away towards the dining hall doors; Mina turned around to call after him.

"Okay, but we need to talk more! I'll sit with you and Jean tomorrow at lunch, is that good?"

"F-fine!"

* * *

_Year 850_

Over the course of the last year of training, Marco and Mina did indeed spend more time together. Ignoring the jabs at the possibility of a romance between them, they sat together at meals, sometimes with Marco's friends, sometimes with Mina's (but never with both – meals were always uncomfortably tense with Jean and Annie at the same table); they made jokes during training; they sat next to each other for lessons; they even made a habit of meeting up at the trainee camp's campfire at night to talk.

Of course, since Marco's sudden buried attraction to his female best friend, often times their one-on-one interactions would get awkward. He didn't know when it happened, but he knew it sparked that one night on the dining hall porch when she first came to him to have a chat. It made him uneasy, as she was his best friend, and he never felt that way towards her or anyone before – it added an aspect to their relationship that made his palms sweat and his heart skip a beat, but honestly, it only made him want to spend time with her more. But his strange feelings didn't prevent them from continuing to meet each other, because they thoroughly enjoyed each others company, even as mere close friends.

On one particular night, Mina jogged out from her barrack towards Marco, who was sitting on a log at a safe distance from the fire. She beamed as soon as she spotted him.

"Today's training session was a lot more brutal, huh?" she remarked, her tone cheerful despite the subject matter. She sat down next to Marco, close enough to bump shoulders with him.

"Well, the final examinations are coming up soon, after all," he replied. She cringed.

"Right, where they'll take our scores and determine the top ten. I bet a slab of meat stolen from the instructors' office you'll make it." Marco blushed.

"You can't really know that, yet." Mina blew a raspberry at him.

"Oh shush. You're a great team leader, you do well in battle operations, and you're pretty smart. If I were competing for the top ten, I would watch out for you." Mina placed a firm hand on his shoulder, giving him a wink. He turned his head away from her in embarrassment.

"You're just saying that." Mina shook her head, her pigtails flying about.

"Okay, so I might exaggerate sometimes," she conceded, "but I'm being completely honest here. I think your biggest problem, actually, is that you're too nice. You help other people get better and sometimes let them score points ahead of you in training." Marco scratched the back of his neck.

"But I'd feel bad if I didn't help. I guess my mom just raised me that way." Mina shrugged.

"Well, if you were like Jean, I probably wouldn't like you as much." Marco sighed heavily; he was used to these types of comments about his male best friend.

"He's not that bad." Mina chuckled, giving him a sly glance.

"I know," she said, smacking his knee. "He's not you, though!"

 _He's not you, though..._ Marco smiled.

"Mina?" he said softly.

"Mmm?"

"Thank you." Mina raised her eyebrows.

"For?" Marco shrugged. He didn't quite know how to articulate it, but he suddenly felt like telling her whatever came to his mind.

"I don't know. For being my friend. For making me laugh and think about weird things, and smiling a lot, and making me smile a lot. For...being Mina."

They were closer, now. Their knees touched, and they had been leaning towards each other during the conversation. Marco was blushing, averting his eyes from his gaze. But on a strange impulse, he reached out to hold her chin in his fingers, using his other hand to brush back loose strands of hair from her face. She blinked at him with wide, gray eyes, staring curiously and expectantly into his.

Then her eyes slowly slid shut. Marco leaned his face towards hers, closer, closer...

"MINA! WHERE ARE YOUR HAIR ELASTICS?!"

They each took a flying leap away from each other, Marco falling backwards off the log. They looked – frustrated – to see Sasha Blouse standing at the edge of the main camp, waving her hand at them.

"Wh-what?" Mina called back, her old stutter making a reappearance.

"Krista wants to braid Hannah's hair like you did for Annie that one time, and you're the one who has the most elastics! And why is Marco on the ground?!" Evidently, Sasha was entirely oblivious as to what she'd just interrupted. Mina sighed and helped Marco to his feet, a small spark shared between them when their hands touched.

"I'll get them for you!" she yelled. She glanced at Marco sheepishly with a small smile, clutching her pigtails. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

"I understand." As soon as she left, Marco dragged a hand through his hair, his heart pumping wildly in his chest.

_What does this mean? Mina..._

He knew he definitely wouldn't be getting much sleep that night.

* * *

Cheers echoed all around the dining hall during the graduation celebration. Mina clinked mugs with Marco, giving him a wink.

"To graduation," she said.

"To graduation," Marco repeated.

"And top ten ranks!" They sipped their drinks in sync, and then Mina bumped Marco's arm with her shoulder.

"So, Military Police at last, huh? I still remember the day you told me you wanted to join the military," she remarked. Marco chuckled.

"I still remember how much Renate sobbed when we left," he remarked. Mina jerked her head up.

"Oh, right! We're supposed to visit Karanese, soon!" she exclaimed, shoving his chest lightly with one hand. He laughed, then narrowed his eyes at his mug when he realized some of his beverage had spilled over.

"It might be a while before we get the chance to, what with military schedules and all." His remark sank into Mina the realization that they really wouldn't be seeing each other much after the following day.

"Right," she murmured, staring at her reflection in her drink. Marco hesitated. He didn't want their last night in the same squad together to be worsened by regret.

"So, Stationary Guard, huh?" Mina's gaze flickered up at her freckled friend.

"Yeah, I mean they really cleaned up their act since the fall of Wall Maria. And it's either that or the Survey Corps, so."

"I'll miss you."

Mina's eyes widened, meeting Marco's sincere amber ones. The events of that night by the campfire flashed behind her eyes. Then, her gaze softened.

"I'll miss you, too," she said quietly, scratching her neck. "Don't you forget about me, okay?" She winked at him again, making his face flush. She seemed to almost enjoy embarrassing him.

"Never," Marco vowed with a small smile.

* * *

Marco searched the crowd desperately for a pair of familiar black pigtails. When the Garrison Captain briefed them about their mission in the invasion of Trost and he mentioned that treason would be met with the death penalty, Marco realized how imminent the end could be. And he didn't know why, but his thoughts flew immediately to Mina; he needed to speak to her before they left to their squads.

He spotted her speaking to Annie, waving her arms around in both excitement and hysteria as they filled up their gas. He dashed over to the girls immediately.

"Mina!" he called, easily grabbing her attention. When he reached them, they turned completely to face him.

"Marco, you're the leader for our squad," Annie stated. Marco nodded.

"I know," he said. "But, um..." He glanced at Mina as he spoke. "Can I talk to Mina alone for a bit? It won't take long." Annie stared at both of them with dull eyes, her left eyebrow raising ever-so slightly.

"Fine by me," she replied. "Good luck, Mina." From the sincerity in her eyes, she seemed to be telling Mina to be very careful. Without another glance back, the cryptic blonde walked off to join Reiner and Bertholdt.

"What's up, Marco?" Mina asked hesitantly. He placed both of his hands on her shoulders, his characteristic optimism drained from his face.

"Don't be reckless out there," he told her. She furrowed her eyebrows together in concern.

"You too, Marco," she said seriously. "'Cause, this is kinda the real thing now. Though you're a top ten graduate, so you'll probably do a lot better than me."

"Don't say that," Marco insisted. "You're not so bad with your blades, you just need to focus."

"Marco, I know you didn't come here to talk to me about my abilities," she chuckled. "So what's going on?"

"Well, I didn't want us to go out there without me saying anything to you. And I..."

Why did he come to talk to Mina? He knew, subconsciously, that there was something important he needed to tell her. His eyes widened as it clicked. Seeing her standing there before a life-threatening battle, his childhood friend and confidante, remembering their happy moments and that night by the campfire when her lips were so close to his, her face now crinkled in confusion, the person who knew him better than anyone else, the girl he...

"Mina, there is something important I have to tell you," he said. "I don't know when it started, or when I realized it, but Mina...I..."

"Cadets! Don't stand there like a couple of idiots! We're at war now, you hear me?! There's no time for chitchatting or confessions. Go to your squads!" A Garrison soldier came between them at that moment, pushing them apart.

"Marco!" Mina called out. "Tell me when the battle's over! We are going to come back - I know it!"

"But - Mina!" Unfortunately, she'd turned to run in the opposite direction, her pigtails flying about behind her. Marco lowered his raised arm, feeling dejected. How could she know that he would have another chance to tell her? Suddenly, he felt his wrist being grabbed. He whirled around and glanced down to see it was Annie.

"You'll have the chance to tell her," she said, her blue eyes hardened. "Just don't screw it up again when you do." Marco smiled.

_Annie._

* * *

 

_Thomas._

_Samuel._

_Mylius._

_Eren._

Mina clutched her knees to her chest. She couldn't believe what had just transpired; it all happened so quickly. In a minute, her and the rest of her squad had surged forward with zeal and determination to exterminate as many titans as they could. In the next, Thomas got swallowed up, Eren lost his leg, Tom was killed attempting to avenge Eren, Mina herself almost died if not for the sudden burst of motivation and critical thinking to escape, and from what she could tell from Armin's catatonic state, Eren had also finally succumbed to the titans.

She sat next to the blond boy now, attempting to reign in her shock so as not to begin grieving already. But her friends were dead. The very boy that motivated her to join the Survey Corps with his speech last night was dead. During the battle and her escape, she had pushed her despair completely from her mind, and now it all came and hit her like a brick.

All she wanted to do was go home, cry in her dad's arms, and seriously reevaluate her life choices. She was just a small fifteen year old girl. She was practically a child, fighting a war she now knew she could never win.

But she knew she couldn't afford to cry yet. She had to help Armin and get out of there. It wasn't safe to stay out in the open like that. She knew she would have to go on, so she grabbed Armin's hand.

"Can you stand?" she asked softly. He was unresponsive. "I know it's hard, Armin, but we have to keep moving and rendezvous with the other squads."

"What's...what's the point?" he mumbled, and Mina felt one of his teardrops splash onto the back of her hand. "We're..." He lifted his face towards her, eyes wide and brimming with tears. She had to bite back a gasp at his anguished expression. "We're all going to die out here, aren't we?! Don't...don't look at me like that...we can't beat the titans! Don't you see? We're weak."

Mina's heart jumped into her throat, because he was right. But she couldn't afford to be pessimistic. Eren would have yelled at both of them if they let their anxiety get to them now.

"Stop it, Armin," Mina chided him gently. "We can't feel sorry for ourselves now. Do you think Eren would have wanted that?" Only she immediately regretted opening her mouth after that.

_Oops._

Armin tensed into a fully rigid, catatonic state. Mina tried shaking his shoulders to snap him out of it, but he wouldn't budge.  _Why did I have to remind him? Me and my big mouth!_

"Mina! Armin! You guys are okay!"

_Marco!_

"Where's everyone else?" Relief coursed through her body before she even realized she was dreading anything.

"Marco!" she exclaimed. She glanced around him to see Reiner, Bertholdt and – "Annie! You guys are okay!"

Armin didn't seem to even register Marco's approaching squad. He remained trembling in his corner of the roof as Mina stood to greet their fellow trainees.

"Mina," Marco said, softly but firmly. "Where are Eren, Thomas and the others?" Mina hung her head.

"They're...well...they didn't..." she stammered. "They're all..." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "...dead."

"Mina..." Annie said quietly. The rest of the shorter girl's squad stiffened. Marco placed a hand on Mina's shoulder.

"I see," he said grimly. Mina carefully removed his hand, though she was craving some comfort.

"At least you guys are still alive," Reiner stated. Mina nodded, attempting a reassuring smile.

They all glanced around the area for any titans. There were none.

"Not really sure where we go from here," Mina murmured.

* * *

 

"Sorry, am I intruding?"

Jean and Marco glanced up to see one Mina Carolina standing before them, scratching her neck with a sheepish smile and squinted eyes.

"What is it, Mina?" Marco asked. She glanced at him, then Jean, and back again.

"I was...actually wondering if I could talk to you..." she said. Jean seemed to catch on to the ' _alone_ ' bit that she omitted. He gave Marco a knowing smirk before getting to his feet and walking off. Marco stood up himself, dusting off his uniform.

"Yes?" he said. Mina's gaze turned to the ground as she leaned back against the wall next to them, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What...what you were trying to tell me earlier, before we left. Can you tell me now?" Marco turned his face away, a blush creeping up to his ears. Mina's gray eyes bore into him expectantly.

"Well...I wasn't exactly sure if we were going to live back then. So it all just came to me...so fast. I don't know if right now is the best time to tell you, with everyone around."

"Then just whisper it to me. How can you not tell one of your closest friends something so important that you just had to tell me before we risked our lives out there?"

"That's exactly why I can't tell you - because you're my closest friend," Marco replied, placing his hands on her shoulders. Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Marco, that doesn't make any sense," she said. "You're not usually so secretive."

"Mina, I promise if you knew, you'd get it. And I will tell you, just - let's get back first. Before I leave for Wall Sina, you'll know."

Mina fixed him with a desperate expression. She hated not knowing things, and she absolutely loathed to wait. She knew almost every rumor and countless secrets of people in the 104th trainee squad. Additionally, Marco told her nearly all about his dreams and innermost thoughts when they were younger, so she was dying to know what it was that he couldn't tell her now.

Finally, the pigtailed girl relented.

"Oh alright," she sighed. Marco beamed.

"Thank you, Mina. Come on, let's head out."

Mina watched as Marco stood atop a windowsill, shot out his grappling hooks to the opposite building and maneuvered away.

But that was the last time she saw him alive.

And that was the last time he ever spoke to her again.

* * *

 

Her chest might as well have been crushed by a titan. Her heart beat slowly, sunken into her stomach, tears spilling from her eyes like an opened dam. She choked, wrapping her arms around her chest, only to feel even more empty.

_Why..._

The heat from the bonfire nearly burned against her face, but she didn't care.

 _My friend...why did you go?_  Playbacks of their lives together flashed in her mind repeatedly, haunting her and refusing to release her from her agony.  _As if Thomas and Samuel's deaths hadn't been enough..._

Her eyes played tricks on her. She kept seeing Marco's smile in the flames, that awful but beautiful smile that always convinced her everything would be alright. She wanted to throw her fist into the fire, to punch his apparition, because it would  _not_  be okay. They knew everything about each other; they gave everything to each other. How did these memories of him feel so alive to her? Even his laughter echoed in her brain.

Mina could feel her best friend's frigid blue gaze burning into the back of her head. Annie hadn't stopped staring at her like that ever since Jean told them Marco was dead. Mina couldn't understand her at all; she spent three years trying to be a friend to the blonde and thought she'd figured out her personality, for the most part. Why did she look so remorseful? She rarely ever interacted with Marco, and even then, it had always been when Mina was around.

But Annie's face had an apology written all over it.

 _Stop it! It's not like you were the one to kill him,_  Mina screamed internally. Annie averted her eyes, making Mina realize that she'd just glared at the shorter girl. She sighed, turning her face back to the flames.

She could feel someone touch her shoulder for a brief moment, and judging by the hesitant lightness of the person's hand, she could tell it was likely Sasha. Mina brushed her hand away, murmuring 'it's alright,' when it wasn't.

A foot away from her, Mina could hear Jean sucking in a breath. His knuckles cracked as he clasped his hands together, and she spotted a few tears threatening to spill from his small eyes. She knew he must have been attempting to keep his cool, but she couldn't care less.

_Just cry. No one's expecting you to put on a brave face._

Wordlessly, the pigtailed girl pried one of Jean's hands from his other, giving it a gentle squeeze. He silently gasped at the unexpected contact, but his fingers soon relaxed. He used his hand that was joint with Mina's to wipe his eyes, and had it been within any other circumstances, she would have laughed at this motion. Instead she remained still.

"I'm sorry," Jean rasped. The light of the fire flashed in Mina's gunmetal irises.

"I...don't want to hear those words anymore," she whispered back. "Don't say sorry. You...you had nothing to do with this. Besides, the dead can't accept apologies."

Mina clenched her eyes shut. On the surface, the fire warmed her skin, but beneath it, all she felt was ice.

"I know," Jean replied after a while. "I just..."

 _I don't want to be here..._  Mina thought.

"I know you and Marco were really close, like...really close. Closer than I was with him. So I feel...I feel selfish for reacting like this when you have it worse." Mina buried her face into her sleeve.

"It's fine."

"I mean, I think he loved you."

Her eyes popped open. She barely registered that the statement had not come from her head, but from the long-faced comrade sitting next to her. She turned her head to face him, finally, seeing his facial expressions contorted in regret.

"Ah, shit. I'm sorry, that was too-"

"I do too."

Jean blinked at her, his small eyes widening. Her own face was blank as she spoke in a nonchalant tone, but the tears streaming from her eyes and the way she held Jean's hand in a death grip betrayed her. The two-tone-headed boy cursed.

"That sucks so bad," he remarked, seemingly angry at the injustice. Mina tuned everything out after that, nodding continuously as she silently wept.

She vaguely comprehended Jean asking the others which military division they were going to join, and how he boldly proclaimed his decision to Survey Corps. She pulled her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs. She didn't want to think about all that, yet. She knew what she needed to do, but she couldn't care less at the moment.

 _Where did our innocence go?_  she wondered.


End file.
